UAAS IN OFGUNISTAN : A Satire which became True

Not very long ago, there was a lion in a jungle. His name was U AAS. In the same jungle, there was a fox called Paak. Paak was in penury. One day he moved into the den of U AAS while he was away hunting. When Paak saw U AASreturning he spanked his three children (Taliban, Al Qaida and Nuclear
Card). The children started crying.

"Don't cry my dear children, today I can't get you lion's flesh as the lion seems to be hiding somewhere. I will trace him tomorrow. Today you will have to satisfy your hunger with elephant's flesh," said Paak loudly.

Hearing this, U AAS got shit scared. He wondered, there must be some very ferocious animal in his den. That animal's kids have the guts to demand lion's flesh. He quietly moved away.

All this was being watched by Endia sitting on a tree nearby. Endia was a well-wisher of U AAS. He told U AAS, "It is none other than Paak in your den and he has made a fool out of you. Let's go and teach him a lesson."

U AAS didn't like the idea, but Endia told him not to be afraid as he will accompany him.

"You will climb a tree. What will happen to me?" Asked U AAS

"Don't worry, I will not desert you. Let's tie our hands," assured Endia.

After tying their hands with a rope, they started moving towards the den. Unfortunately for them, Paak saw them coming from far.

As soon as they were in hearing distance Paak spanked his children again. When they started crying, he told them "Don't worry kids. I have asked Endia uncle to tie the lion and bring him for your feast." This made the UAAS run in fright. Endia was dragged and kept banging into the tree trunks. Fortunately, the rope gave in.

Paak wanted to see the plight of Endia. So, he ventured out. He saw Endiain in a pathetic state, under a tree. Then he heard someone struggling nearby.To his delight, he saw U AAS half stuck in a hollow tree trunk(Of-gun-istaan, where the way in and out is backward). The tree trunk was closed on the other end.

Paak found this to be a good opportunity. He started ramming the lion. The plight of lion was such that he is unable to withdraw, he could not tighten his rear (diplomacy) as it pained and he could not let loose as Paak rammed him harder and his head (forces) banged on the other end.

At a point Paak got tired. He felt that if the pressure is not on, U AAS may wriggle out. So, he asked bears, Sina, N Corea, and Eran to keep ramming U AAS in turn.

Paak was also worried about the hunger of his kids. So, while the U AAS was being rammed by Eran, he shouted "Dear U AAS, I never knew that you are so close to Endia that you let him ram you. Should I inform the Jungle about your secret relationship?"

"Noooooo," said the lion, "Don't tell anyone. You are my best friend. How can you do this to me?"

"Well there is another problem," said Paak. "A ferocious animal is staying in your den. His children are hungry for the lion's flesh. In case he gets to know that you are in a vulnerable position, he will certainly head for this place."

"My all-weather partner against terror, please do something. Take my credit card. The pin code is ****. Buy those children some delicious Kebabs, so that they forget about lion's flesh," said U AAS.

And Paak and his kids lived in comfort and happiness with the cash and kind extracted from U AAS's account.

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