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Why Being Nice at Work is not Good Enough?

Being Nice is a virtue which does not pay at work, meme & quotes

You’re probably familiar with the phrase “Nice guys finish last.” I’m not sure if that’s true, but what I do know is that being too nice will absolutely hold you back at work.

Because, while “the super nice one” isn’t topping anyone’s list of least favorite colleagues, it can negatively affect your interactions with your co-workers.

From a young age, we're taught to play nice with others and treat people as we'd like to be treated.

As we get older, this mindset translates into how we behave at work. But is it possible to be too nice in the workplace?

For example, here’s an email you might send with feedback for a colleague if you’re typically trying to be really nice:

I just wanted to say, the report draft you turned in was amazing on every level: I seriously saw nothing wrong with it! The only (tiny) thing I thought you might want to consider is changing the introduction to focus more on our engineering partners, and maybe to add a section to address the public sector, but no worries if not, and otherwise it was incredible, like everything you do. And I’m even happy to add those things in for you, if you want!

While this is certainly pleasant to read, it’s not actually all that helpful for anyone involved.

Here’s why:

You Come Across as Inauthentic

You might simply want to avoid offending anyone, but if you’re constantly equivocating, people may question if you ever say what you mean. If you’re praising their work to their face only to throw your support behind another approach, people will get suspicious of your gushing words.

To keep friendliness a priority, you can practice being direct without being brusque or blunt. Think about being specific in your praise rather than just being generally effusive all the time.

You Never Contribute Constructive Criticism

Giving specific praise isn’t enough—you’ll also want to get comfortable discussing areas where people can improve.

Most people want to do a good job and advance, and if your focus is solely on being well-liked, it can come at the cost of saying things that need to be said. In other words, if your colleague asks for feedback and you tell him his work on the project is incredible—and it’s not—you’re actually sabotaging him.

Yes, giving critical feedback can be scary, especially if it’s to your peers. But if you never make any suggestions, others might take it as a sign that you don’t care enough to help. Or—even worse—they’ll think you don’t know enough to add any commentary other than encouragement.

When you give suggestions, resist the temptation to pad them in a lot of qualifiers (“What you did was great, but maybe, you might perhaps, if you want, consider…”). Remind yourself that straightforward, honest communication will be seen as helpful.

You Become a Doormat

Being too nice also invites people to disregard your boundaries—without even feeling like they’re taking advantage of you.

Imagine your teammate wants to take off a bit early, but there’s a final piece of a project that needs to get done. So, she asks if it’d be all right if you stay late and complete everything, and without hesitation, you say, “Absolutely! No problem!”

Well, then she’s going to assume it was “No problem.” But if you do this all the time, you’ll end being the office doormat, and your teammates won’t even feel bad about walking on you because you make them feel good about doing it with your super-nice responses.

You are a genuinely nice person, so don’t feel like you have to put yourself last for your colleagues to know it. In fact, turning down these requests will help everyone. Your teammate will learn to manage time better and not rely on you, and you’ll learn to say “no,” nicely.

Leaders are placed under a tremendous amount of pressure to be relatable, human and … nice. Many yield to this instinct, because it feels much easier to be liked. Few people want to be the bad guy. But leaders are also expected to make the tough decisions that serve the company or the team’s best interests. Being too nice can be lazy, inefficient, irresponsible, and harmful to individuals and the organization.

Quora users discussed this question in the recent thread: "What are the disadvantages of being too nice to people?" As it turns out, there are quite a few ways that being overly friendly might be holding you back at work.

You'll seem boring

Being too nice can come across as passive and bland. "People will soon start finding you boring," says Manish Barnwal. It's great to be polite, but let your personality show.

No one will listen to you

"If you find it hard to say no, people will eventually assume you mean yes even when you say no, and repeatedly pester or coax you to do something you actually don't want to do," warns Adrija Subramanian. Coworkers will start to see you as someone who can't say no, and try and talk you into helping with everything - even when you have your hands full.

Quora user agrees, noting that you'll start to attract the type of people who will guilt trip you when you say no to something.

People will take advantage of you

Some people might perceive your niceness as a sign of weakness, says Christopher Kosel. This leads them to believe that you won't stand up for yourself, so you'll be easy to manipulate. And once you start doing everything people ask of you, they'll come to expect it. "They'll just walk all over you!" says Quora user Niharika Kishore. "If once you give them the message 'it's okay,' they'll think it's their right to do that every time."

People will have higher expectations for you

Once you earn a reputation for saying yes to everything, people might take it the wrong way when you stand up for yourself. "If you decide to change, to stop the abuse, people will be disappointed if you refuse something, you will receive cries of 'You were a good person, but you changed,'" says Glauco Becaro. Though your refusal might be reasonable, it will appear selfish in contrast with your usual demeanor.

You'll look suspicious

Despite your positive outlook on the world, not everyone is nice all the time, and many may question whether your niceness comes with ulterior motives. "Just as there is no such thing as a free lunch, there can not, surely, be such a thing as 'too nice' for no reason," Anila Syed says. People might begin to question what you really want, even if you're just trying to be a good person.

Being too nice might also keep you from forming true friendships with your boss and co-workers. "You could come off as fake, which could limit your ability to form meaningful connections with those around you," says Brian Lewis.

You won't be respected

If you're overly nice all the time, it becomes the only thing people see in you. You'll be overlooked by others because if you're nice even when other people aren't, you may not demand the respect you deserve, says Fulin Wang.

You give up your time.

You compromise and try to do things which are in others' interest. If you're spending all your time focused on helping others, you'll run out of time to concentrate on yourself and your own projects.

Here are a few other recognizable scenarios where being nice isn’t doing you – or anyone – any favours:

Turning to polite deception

You’ve been in these brainstorming meetings – everyone is trying to hack a particular problem, and someone with power raises a ridiculous idea. Instead of people addressing it honestly, brows furrow, heads nod like puppets on strings, and noncommittal murmurs go around. No one feels empowered to gently suggest why that particular idea won’t work. At my company, rejecting polite deception is a big part of how we do business. When something isn’t right, we call each other out on it respectfully, then and there, without delay. Why? It’s not helpful to foster an everyone-gets-a-trophy mentality; you have to earn the honours to get the honours.

The long linger

Sometimes a hire just won’t cut it in a certain role. It might seem easier to keep an employee in place rather than to resolve the mismatch – but it actually is not. Resist the temptation to prolong confrontation, to see if things will get better. It is more of a disservice to let someone flounder, especially when it’s clear that he or she just isn’t hitting the mark. Be kind and communicate clearly, but don’t be nice. Be surgical about it. Make the clean cut. Help the person transition somewhere he or she can succeed. Handling employee issues immediately helps your culture and productivity – over time, you’ll attract employees with similar values and convictions.

Don’t be a doormat 

When you’re too nice – to suppliers who can’t deliver on time, to colleagues who don’t do their work, to customers who refuse to pay – you’re actually letting others take advantage of you and your business. When you’re overly generous with your allowances for others, you create a fertile atmosphere for contempt to spread. Imagine the reactions of your most talented, focused, and motivated employees as they watch lacklustre co-workers get pass after pass. Anger and resentment take root, morale plummets, and turnover starts to go up, up, up. Think of how loyal customers will react if they see how easy it is for others to take advantage of your services. Your reputation will surely suffer. These problems become more difficult to solve as they pile up. You don’t need to be severe to be respected, but you do need to hold your organization to certain standards — and you must be firm about people meeting them. Setting rules will help you when decisive action is needed. No more delays, no demurring, no debating.

Failing the introspection test

Are you too nice to yourself? Introspection is a powerful leadership tool, but we often forget to use it. When you ask yourself what behaviours hold you and your team back, you can recalibrate your leadership style for the better. When you give employees the space to give you the hard truths, without fear of repercussion, you’ll get valuable perspective and make a giant leap forward in maturing as a leader.

Of course, this doesn’t mean managers get a free pass to be disrespectful, cruel, or a bully in the workplace. There’s a world of difference between being an effective leader with high expectations and dealing with problem after problem caused by milquetoast management. Beware of confusing being nice – or being liked – with being a good leader.

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